Brave Cat

To get thine ends, lay bashfulness aside;
Who fears to ask, doth teach to be deny'd.

- Robert Herrick, English lyric poet (1591 - 1674)

Faith Vs Clippy

(Thanks, Dennis Miller -- I needed that.)

See http://www.imagegenerator.net/browse/clippy/score/35383/
But as Miller would say:
"Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong."

To Cliche or Not Cliche

Cliches are like beating a dead horse

…or running a subject into the ground

...or dulling a sharp pencil.

Perhaps when the rubber hits the road

…when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

Still I suppose we could just let sleeping dogs lie

...but my cat might have your tongue,
'cause he always tells the truth.

Yet I might just be pulling your leg.

http://www.clichelist.net/

https://boredhumans.com/story_generator.php

=^..^=

Mental Health Hotline

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. 

If you are Obsessive/Compulsive: Press 1 repeatedly. 

If you are Co-Dependent: Ask someone to press 2 for you. 

If you have Multiple Personalities: Press 3, 4, 5, and 6. 

If you are Paranoid: We know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call. 

If you are Delusional: Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother ship. 

If you are Schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. 

If you are Depressive: It doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer you. 

If you are Dyslexic: Press 6 9, 6 9, 6 9, 6 9 

If you have a Nervous Disorder: Please fidget with the hash key until the beep. 

After the beep, please wait for the beep. 

If you have a Short-Term Memory Loss: Please try your call again later. 

If you have Low Self-Esteem: Hang up. 

All operators are too busy to talk to you...

Humor Is A Rubber Sword

......
Humor is a rubber sword -
It allows you to make a point
without drawing blood. -- Mary Hirsch

Keep It Simple Stupid

"Brevity is the soul of wit"
-William Shakespeare, Hamlet

And You Thought Your Day Waz Bad...

Why Parents Have Gray Hair

The boss of a big company called his network engineer on his day off about an emergency that had to be taken care of right away.

After dialing the employee’s home phone number, he heard a child's whisper.

"Hello?"

Slightly annoyed by having a child pick up the phone, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?”

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

"No," came the whispered answer.

Trying another tactic he ventured, "Is your Mommy there?

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Surely an adult had to be monitoring the kid. "Is there anyone there besides you?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

The boss frowned, bewildered. "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the quiet answer.

The boss heard a very loud whirring roar through the earpiece on the phone.
"What is that noise?"

"A hello copper," answered the still whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" The boss raised his voice, alarmed.

In quiet awe the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello copper."

The boss was out of patience, "Well, what in the world are they searching for?"

The young voice muffled a giggle, "Me."

Keeping Sane...

Top twenty ways to stay sane among the Lemmings....

20. As often as possible, sit down in the check out line.
19. Every time someone asks you to do something say, "Is plastic okay?"
18. Replace decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
17. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
16. Every three days, tell your friends you can't attend their funeral because you're not in the mood.
15. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN.”
14. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
13. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go.”
12. Order a Diet Water with a serious face.
11. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
10. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds.”
9. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy.”
8. Don't use any punctuation.
7. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
6. Sing along at the opera.
5. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rocky Bottom.
4. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
2. When the money comes out of the ATM scream, "I won! I won!"

And the Number One Way to keep a healthy level of insanity—

Post this list and make someone laugh.

It’s called therapy.

Keep Smiling...Please.

**Now a Word From Our Sponsor**

(Revision 28.01.06) If you notice this notice, you will notice that this notice is… ....in French.
-Katie Kat.




(But don’t let Mommi fool you. She got dis out uv a frase buk…)

-----------------------------

Le magasin de bijoux. 

Bonjour. Je m’appelle Katie. Comment allez-vous?

Trés bien, merci. Et vous?

Trés bien. Quelles sant les previsions meteo?

Du brouillard

Est-ce que je pourrais voir... un nouveau cerveau? Comme celui vous avez dans le viseur. Avez-vous quelque chose en perle de culture?

Je veux que vous allies voir un spécialiste.

Pourquoi?

A cause du temps. C’est déprimé

Ah... a cause du temps... Je suis perdu en raison du brouillard. Mon coeur est blessé. Je ne puis pas manger ou dormir. Est-ce que le médecin pourrait venir me voir, un médecin que parle anglais?

Oui.

Est-ce que je peux prendre rendez-vous pour aujourd’hui?

Oui. C’est urgent.

Merci.

De rien. Promettez-vous?

Oui. Je promets.

---

Brought to you by Dingbats Anonymous: The people who make your brain think…

Need a translation? Try here... https://www.bing.com/translator/ & learn something new. (Hey, that's what I did and a phrasebook from Barnes & Noble. Thanks Davo for grinning at this "dingbat.")

My Internet Service conspiratorially went down…

We don’t know what you did, but we’re telling Captain Kid… We don’t smoke, we don’t chew… We watch Captain Kangaroo!!! …And we’ve never been to Boston in the fall. Cuz we're the pirates who don’t do anything… (Mike Nawrocki, 1997)

Laugh Safely and Good Night (or Good Morning),
Katie Kat =^..^=

(Promesse gardée...Être continué)

----------

"First you must decide what you want... And then you have to fight for it." -Lantern Hill.

©2006 by Kat-Renée Kittel. All Rights Reserved. Please be kind and give credits to author and founder of the Laughter Safety Valve Commission™. Thanks.

Got Chutzpah (Agape Is A Five Letter Word... For Chutzpah) is inspired by The Chairman of The Laughter Safety Valve Commission™. See Turnabout's Fair Play and comment left by Mr. Anonymous. (Dear Richard & Harlee, Thanks for the hug.)

***Cached pages are not authorized representations of this page nor do they represent the staff writer of this website. Previous page versions have been obliterated by the LSVC, Tech Publications Dept. The editorial staff of the LSVC are not responsible for Laughter Safety violations caused by any unauthorized use of outdated information.*** --------- REVISED 27.02.06 - Submitted for Safe Laughter Rating...