Brave Cat

To get thine ends, lay bashfulness aside;
Who fears to ask, doth teach to be deny'd.

- Robert Herrick, English lyric poet (1591 - 1674)

Boo Bear Gonna Be 18!!

Puzzles' Spunky Bear, Exec Jr. CEO

Born Good Friday, March 1989.

---
(Certifiedly Eccentric & Ornery)

Cat 911

"SVU, Detective Munch."

“Hello, Special Victim's Unit? I can't find my kitten. I think he's been cat-napped…”

“Sorry Ma'am, that's not a police job. Try the ASPCA.”

“But you don't understand... this is a very intelligent cat. He is almost human. He can practically talk.”

‘Well, you'd better hang up, Ma'am. He may be trying to call you right now.”

Read Cat calls 911

Mental Health Hotline

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. 

If you are Obsessive/Compulsive: Press 1 repeatedly. 

If you are Co-Dependent: Ask someone to press 2 for you. 

If you have Multiple Personalities: Press 3, 4, 5, and 6. 

If you are Paranoid: We know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call. 

If you are Delusional: Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother ship. 

If you are Schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. 

If you are Depressive: It doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer you. 

If you are Dyslexic: Press 6 9, 6 9, 6 9, 6 9 

If you have a Nervous Disorder: Please fidget with the hash key until the beep. 

After the beep, please wait for the beep. 

If you have a Short-Term Memory Loss: Please try your call again later. 

If you have Low Self-Esteem: Hang up. 

All operators are too busy to talk to you...

Happy Passover

(cHag sameach... or just go hug somebody.)

UNTIL NEXT WEEK.

FOR YOUR FUNNI PLEASURE --- Click below for Passover card:

WHO LET THE JEWS OUT???
(wasn't me.)

From Schlepping Through The Alps by Sam Apple

The Not Ready 4 Comedy Club Playerz

The Laughter Safety Valve Commission Preezents:

.

Two Gents and a Kat in

A Street Performance of

GOT CHUTZPAH???

(or Three friendz making total foolz of themselvez)

.

Jay Ulin (Saxophone), Kat-Renée Kittel (Clarinet)
and The Guy Who Doesn't Play an Instrument

.

Keeping Sane...

Top twenty ways to stay sane among the Lemmings....

20. As often as possible, sit down in the check out line.
19. Every time someone asks you to do something say, "Is plastic okay?"
18. Replace decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
17. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
16. Every three days, tell your friends you can't attend their funeral because you're not in the mood.
15. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN.”
14. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
13. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go.”
12. Order a Diet Water with a serious face.
11. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
10. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds.”
9. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy.”
8. Don't use any punctuation.
7. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
6. Sing along at the opera.
5. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rocky Bottom.
4. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
2. When the money comes out of the ATM scream, "I won! I won!"

And the Number One Way to keep a healthy level of insanity—

Post this list and make someone laugh.

It’s called therapy.

Time After Time

To Sidney...

"Time After Time"
Lyrics ©1983 by C.Lauper & R.Hyman

.
Lying in bed I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles confusion is nothing new
Flashbacks warm nights almost left behind
Suitcase and memories time after…

Sometimes you picture me I’m walking too far ahead
You're calling to me I can't hear what you've said

[Chorus:]
Then you say go slow, I fall behind
The second hand unwind
If you’re lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I’ll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has turned to gray
Watching through windows you're wondering if I'm ok
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

[Chorus:]
If you’re lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I’ll be waiting

-------bridge------

Then you say go slow, I fall behind
The second hand unwind
If you’re lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I’ll be waiting
Time after time

Time after time
time after time
time after...

------------------------------

Cat Hanging Onto Branchie is ©1994 by Kat-Renée Kittel