Brave Cat

To get thine ends, lay bashfulness aside;
Who fears to ask, doth teach to be deny'd.

- Robert Herrick, English lyric poet (1591 - 1674)

Kookie Kutter

"I'm one of the quirky kooks God threw together
from the leftover dough...
after He made all the kookie kutter people."

- Kat-Renee Kittel,
kid sister to a comedian.

Boo Bear Gonna Be 18!!

Puzzles' Spunky Bear, Exec Jr. CEO

Born Good Friday, March 1989.

---
(Certifiedly Eccentric & Ornery)

I Will Remember

No one is useless in this world
who lightens the burdens of another.

Charles Dickens, English novelist (1812 - 1870)

***

And You Thought Your Day Waz Bad...

Why Parents Have Gray Hair

The boss of a big company called his network engineer on his day off about an emergency that had to be taken care of right away.

After dialing the employee’s home phone number, he heard a child's whisper.

"Hello?"

Slightly annoyed by having a child pick up the phone, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?”

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

"No," came the whispered answer.

Trying another tactic he ventured, "Is your Mommy there?

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Surely an adult had to be monitoring the kid. "Is there anyone there besides you?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

The boss frowned, bewildered. "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the quiet answer.

The boss heard a very loud whirring roar through the earpiece on the phone.
"What is that noise?"

"A hello copper," answered the still whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" The boss raised his voice, alarmed.

In quiet awe the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello copper."

The boss was out of patience, "Well, what in the world are they searching for?"

The young voice muffled a giggle, "Me."

A Year of Wisdom

From The Desk of Kat-Renée Kittel
(Revised: 25.2.06)

In a few hours, I will be another year older and many years wiser... from the School of Hard Realities. What is the main lesson I have learned??

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." -Unknown.

I don't know why my family was "thrown into the lion's den" or why it seems way too many years have past since I last remembered how to give the gift of laughter... but there it is. Now I find myself giving joy even when my heart is breaking...over the loss my brother & stepfather, and not knowing when I'll be reunited with the kind, dear soul I call my husband.

Does that mean I'm going to gleefully run out to the only comedy club in this Hayseed County, grab a mike and make twenty-something's laugh? Not particularly... I drove by there tonight and the place looked claustrophobic and too much like a loud, overcrowded smoke-filled room destined to give me an asthma attack or a migraine.

Forgive me y'all—from the looks of the marquis that night, I couldn't tell if they knew real funny from a chicken bone stuck in someone's throat and I'm not that good with the Heimlich manuever yet. Although I did save my cat the other day. Besides I would really rather draw roses than host a spelling bee in a bar.

Well I did get to have fun before age twelve in front of around 3,000 people, playing a male role, fake mustache and all (well the auditorium did hold about that many...I dunno). And I spent more than ten years in front of a nursing home audience, doing what some religious ministers think women ain't supposed to do... sharing sermons and stories to folks who in all intents and purposes were just waiting in the station for their train ride home. My worst audience so far would have to be a man who held up the convenience store with me the sole employee for the night.

If I had a chance to step into theater or act before a camera?? Would I love to play next to my big brother Richard Belzer? As my Spanish teacher used to say— "Que fun." As long as he teases me a little and I get to wear his hat...

Still I figure this—how my gifts are used will have to be up to Providence to decide. (I still don't know how I get people to laugh so easily... )

So what am I doing for my birthday? Well, I went looking for black tennis shoes. Haven't found a pair that fit. Other than that, I just tried to give my gift of joy to a friend... (mon chat vous aime. )

A bit of news.
Writing this column has been an essential part of walking out of a nightmare and toward a new lease on life. I started another column for funnier stuff. Check out "Da Katie Katz n Reni" at this address: "https://chutzpah33.blogspot.com/" Previous "Agape" entries can be accessed from the links on the right side of the new site. Use the "Go to Da Katie Katz" link for the new journal.

Shalom everyone...


Little Eagle Dancer

Twirling in the moonlight
Bowing to The Maker
Blowing kisses to His Constellations

Barefoot now and knee length deerskin dress
Long black hair swirling as you tease
The grass with your light-foot steps

She-Who-Has-Climbed-The-Mountain
And picked the eagle’s feather
From the nest

Now laughing at your bravery
You dance with the feather
At the edge of running water

Joyfully waiting for
Your older brother
Who gave you the dare

© by Dreamof-Roses, 2006.

Kind Regards and Laugh Safely,
Reni =^..^=

"There is no problem that cannot be improved by effort, and no effort that is too paltry to be worth undertaken." -Sam Waterston.

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©2006 by Kat-Renée Kittel. All Rights Reserved. Photo by Gil Perez. Please be kind and give laughter/funny credits to author and founder of the Laughter Safety Valve Commission™. (Dear Richard, thanks for the hug...)

Agape Is A Five Letter Word... For Chutzpah

is inspired by my Big Brother, The Chairman of The Laughter Safety Valve Commission™. (Turnabout's Fair Play & note by Mr. Anonymous, Chairman, LSVC)

**Cached pages are not authorized representations of this page nor represent staff writers of this website. Previous page versions are obliterated by the LSVC, Tech Pub Dept with The Chairman's signature approval. The editorial staff of the LSVC are not responsible for laughter safety violations caused by any unauthorized use of outdated information.**

Chasing After Tumbleweeds...

REVISED - 27.02.06. Resubmitted.





...Or A Ranting Mommi Goez.

Stuck in Cowboy Country and nothing else to do around here, but watch the cattle promenade down main street…when I would rather be somewhere else and less hormonally frustrated right now…

What boring, TV-Zombie lives some Americans lead (now of course I don't mean you, kind reader) ...like those who left comments on the Belzer page at laugh.com—from one fanatic extreme to the other…I couldn’t get the site to let me leave any message.

So here is my message to the entire gamut of folks out there (mildly understated, of course…):

Y’all, would you just go get a life of your own—go make love to your husband or clean up whatever that was that dumped out of your head—and stop trying to borrow someone else’s life!! (He already has a wife... Helloooo.) Look he really isn’t going to see your comment wishing him happy birthday. If you want to wish someone Happy Birthday—mail him or her a card for crying out loud!! Like you couldn’t figure that out—you can at least write to Richard Belzer% Law & Order Studios??? Are you that scared of rejection—his birthday’s the same day as yours, so what’s your problem?? (You know, if you would just do a little research, you might find an address in France, even—that is if you really cared…) Hey, life’s too short to be a lemming, guys—put your brain back in and do something creatively original with what’s left of your days on Earth…please, before I knock a hole in the basement wall instead of knocking some sense in your head. (Ouch…now my hand hurts.)

Which brings me to my personal definitions of these words:

Fanatic: a whiner who leaves their brain at the door and follows a famous person around and around like a puppy dog and complains when the celebrity doesn’t have time to find it for them. (I actually had this happen to me... after winning first prize in the costume contest at an sf convention once—acted out my part like everyone else in front of judges and convention goers…and now I have a fan??? Look I like real puppies, but I have no earthly idea where you put your brain... honest. Perhaps the hotel staff can help. I have enough trouble keeping track of my keys.)

Admirer: Someone who intelligently recognizes the creative talent and professionalism of someone else, honoring him or her with the kindness and respect they deserve. (Look up Desiderata…even if they have a culturally demeaning job or are still an amateur…uhm…that’s French, isn’t it?) That kind of someone will keep fanatics away, even if it means missing the chance to talk to the one he or she admires.

Fond of/Fondness: To see someone as they are and accept them with Agape—just like a real brother or sister. (Teasing is allowed, but turnabout is fair play...)

Kind Regards to all and to all-- c'est la vie,

Reni =^..^=
P.S. -- that we should all strive toward the last two areas... caring for one another.

”…let us pledge allegiance to compassion, humanity and each other.” --Richard Belzer, July 4, 2005.

Without an allegiance to Providence and compassion, there is no pledge of allegiance to one’s country. “When America ceases to be good, she ceases to be great…” (Who said that… Oh yeah... Alec de Toqueville, a French guy. =^..^= )

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 ©2006 by Kat-Renée Kittel. All Rights Reserved. Please be kind and give credits to author and founder of the Laughter Safety Valve Commission™. Thanks.

Got Chutzpah (aka Agape Is A Five Letter Word... For Chutzpah) is inspired by The Chairman of The Laughter Safety Valve Commission™. See Turnabout's Fair Play and comment left by Mr. Anonymous. (Dear Richard, Thanks for the hug.)

A Very Gentle Warning -- As the founder of the Laughter Safety Valve Commission™, I entirely respect professionals and honor those who have passed on. If my writing regarding these professionals is taken out of the tributary context as originally written and used in an exploitative manner of any kind--I forgive you....my cat not so forgiving... (Please... Your sensibility is truly appreciated.)

***Cached pages are not authorized representations of this page nor do they represent the staff writer of this website. Previous page versions have been obliterated by the LSVC, Tech Publications Dept. The editorial staff of the LSVC are not responsible for Laughter Safety violations caused by any unauthorized use of outdated information.***

A Rededication to the G-d of Miracles

A/N; This post reflects the personal beliefs of the staff writer and not necessarily the opinions of The Chairman or The Staff of the Laughter Safety Valve Commission™
(but that's okay...The Chairman's my Big Brother... ^..^)

Chanukkah (Hanukkah)
A rededication to the G-d of Miracles

Nes Gadol Hayah Sham!! (A great miracle happened there!)

For eight days, Chanukkah honors and celebrates the historic victory of the Maccabbees and the miracle of the oil. Chanukkah or the Festival of Dedication is also called the Feast of Lights. An eight-day festival beginning on the 25th day of Kislev, the holiday commemorates the victory in 165 B.C. of the Maccabees over King Antiochus Epiphanes and the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem.

Spelling-- The Hebrew word Chanukah means "dedication," and has only five letters in the original Hebrew. In English there are at least 16 ways to spell it, including: Channuka, Channukah, Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanuko, Hannuka, Hannukah, Hanuka, Hanukah, Hanukkah, Kanukkah, Khannuka, Khannukah, Khanuka, Khanukah, Khanukkah, and Xanuka.

From history we know that the Kingdom of Greece replaced the Kingdom of Media-Persia. The first King of Greece was Alexander the Great. At the zenith of his power, Alexander died. Two of the four Kings that replaced him were from the Ptolemaic dynasty based in Egypt and the Seleucid dynasty based in Syria. Toward the end of the Greek rule, Antiochus IV arose from the Seleucid dynasty. He declared himself Antiochus Ephiphanes (“God Manifest”). Behind his back he was called ‘epimanes,’ meaning madman.
 
In the 2nd century BCE, the Syrian-Greek regime of Antiochus sought to pull Jews away from Judaism, with the hopes of assimilating them into Hellenism -- Greek culture. Antiochus outlawed aspects of Jewish observance -- including the study of Torah -- which began to decay the foundation of Jewish life and practice. During this period, many Jews began to assimilate into Greek culture, taking on Greek names and marrying non-Jews (that's what happened in my family...)
 
During the years 171 – 165 BC, Antiochus perpetrated a holocaust against the Jewish people. He outlawed Judaism, and ended the Temple sacrifices. In 168 BC, he committed an abomination of desolation against the Temple by sacrificing a pig on the altar and erecting an image of Zeus, which looked very much like Antiochus himself! Not being satisfied with this, his forces spread out all over the country forcing the Jewish people to sacrifice swine and punishing any who would even circumcise their children with the penalty of death.
 
In a town called Modin just south of Jerusalem, there lived an aged priest named Matitiyahu with his five sons. When the forces of Antiochus came in they demanded that Matitiyahu sacrifice a pig. Mattathias, being a righteous man, simply refused. As a crowd gathered the tensions built up to the boiling point. Then, out of the throng, came a Jewish man who was willing to sacrifice the pig just to placate the enemy and relieve the tension. Matitiyahu was so angry at this treachery, that he killed the man and then with his five sons killed the henchmen of Antiochus. Matitiyahu then bade ‘all who are zealous for God,’ to follow him. With that Matitiyahu and his sons went into the surrounding hills and began a guerilla war, which lasted several years. In the process of time Matitiyahu died. His eldest son Judah, known as the ‘maccabee’ (lit. hammer) for the way he fought, began to lead the group, which henceforth bore his nickname. In the face of vast superior forces, the Maccabees miraculously routed the Syrians and drove them away. Antiochus sent thousands of well-armed troops to crush the rebellion -- but the Maccabees succeeded in driving the foreigners from their land.
 
In what we commonly now call December -- 165 BCE, Judah and his followers liberated Jerusalem. The Holy Temple was in shambles, defiled and desecrated by foreign soldiers. They began cleansing the Temple. On the 25th day of Kislev, they re-dedicated the Temple to the G-d of Israel. When it came time to re-light the Menorah, they searched the entire Temple, but found only one small jar of oil bearing the pure seal of the High Priest. Miraculously, the small jar of oil burned for eight days, until a new supply of oil could be brought. From then on, Jews have observed a holiday for eight days in honor of this historic victory & the miracle of oil.

Counting the time from the beginning of the persecution of the Jewish people by Antiochus in 171 BC to the rededication in 165 BC was exactly 2,300 days. G-d kept his promise to the day! (According to Daniel 8:14, the Temple was to remain desolate for exactly 2,300 days). Judah and his followers declared this to be an eight-day feast and to celebrate it annually. Rabbinic tradition tells us that Chanukkah was declared to be an eight-day feast due to the fact that one day’s provision of oil burned for eight. While I personally believe this, the original reason Chanukkah was set as an eight-day feast--the holiday just missed had been Sukkot (Feast of Tabernacles--Lev. 23:33-43), an eight-day celebration. In fact, in the early days of celebration, Chanukkah was actually referred to as Second Tabernacles.
 
The Holiday Today. Chanukkah is now observed by lighting the nine-branched Chanukkah menorah each night. The center candle called the shammash (lit. servant) is lit first and then is used to light the others, adding one new candle each night. Other customs include spinning the dreidel (a top with Hebrew letters on the sides), eating "oily" foods like potato latkes (pancakes) and sufganiyot (jelly donuts), plus giving Chanukah gelt (coins) to children.

(FYI: In the Christian New Testament (Brit Hadashah), the festival is referred to as the Feast of Dedication (John 10:22). Jesus (Yeshua in Hebrew), being a good Jewish boy, celebrated along with the rest of his family....sorry no Christmas tree...)

 
This information was merged from three sources: www.Aish.com - What is Chanukkah by Marshall Roth https://www.shalomnyc.org/feasts/chanukkah.htm & http://www.beth-el-messianic.org/hanukkah.html  

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  ©2006 by Kat-Renée Kittel. All Rights Reserved. Please be kind and give credits to author and founder of the Laughter Safety Valve Commission™. Thanks.

Got Chutzpah is inspired by The Chairman of The Laughter Safety Valve Commission™. See Turnabout's Fair Play and comment left by Mr. Anonymous. (Dear Richard, Thanks for the hug.)

 
***Cached pages are not authorized representations of this page nor do they represent the staff writer of this website. Previous page versions have been obliterated by the LSVC, Tech Publications Dept. The editorial staff of the LSVC are not responsible for Laughter Safety violations caused by any unauthorized use of outdated information.*** 

 
(Revised: 27.02.06)