Sunday, April 23, 2006

Proceed with Caution = Full Speed Ahead

.
"A friend once asked me what comedy waz.
That floored me. What iz comedy? I don't know.
Duz anybody? Can you define it?
All I know iz that I learned how to get laughs,
and that's all I know about it.
You have to learn what people will laugh at,
then proceed accordingly."
- Stan Laurel
.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Happy Passover


(cHag sameach... or just go hug somebody.)

UNTIL NEXT WEEK.

FOR YOUR FUNNI PLEASURE --- Click below for A Passover Card:

WHO LET THE JEWS OUT???
(wasn't me.)

From Schlepping Through The Alps by Sam Apple

Saturday, April 08, 2006

The Not Ready 4 Comedy Club Playerz


The Laughter Safety Valve Commission Preezents:
.
Two Gents and a Kat in
A Street Performance of

GOT CHUTZPAH???
(or Three friendz making total foolz of themselvez)
.
Jay Ulin (Saxophone), Kat-Renée Kittel (Clarinet)
and The Guy Who Doesn't Play an Instrument
.

And You Thought Your Day Waz Bad...


Why Parents Have Gray Hair

The boss of a big company called his network engineer on his day off about an emergency that had to be taken care of right away.

After dialing the employee’s home phone number, he heard a child's whisper.


"Hello?"

Slightly annoyed by having a child pick up the phone, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?”

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

"No," came the whispered answer.

Trying another tactic he ventured, "Is your Mommy there?

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Surely an adult had to be monitoring the kid. "Is there anyone there besides you?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

The boss frowned, bewildered. "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the quiet answer.

The boss heard a very loud whirring roar through the earpiece on the phone.
"What is that noise?"

"A hello copper," answered the still whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" The boss raised his voice, alarmed.

In quiet awe the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello copper."

The boss was out of patience, "Well, what in the world are they searching for?"

The young voice muffled a giggle, "Me."

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Keeping Sane...

Top twenty ways to stay sane among the Lemmings....

20. As often as possible, sit down in the check out line.
19. Every time someone asks you to do something say, "Is plastic okay?"
18.
Replace decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
17. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
16. Every three days, tell your friends you can't attend their funeral because you're not in the mood.
15. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN.”
14. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
13.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go.”

12. Order a Diet Water with a serious face.
11. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
10. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds.”

9. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy.”
8. Don't use any punctuation.
7. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
6. Sing along at the opera.
5. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rocky Bottom.
4. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
2. When the money comes out of the ATM scream, "I won! I won!"

And the Number One Way to keep a healthy level of insanity—

Post this list and make someone laugh.

It’s called therapy.