Saturday, May 20, 2006

Mental Health Hotline


Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you are Obsessive/Compulsive: Press 1 repeatedly.

If you are Co-Dependent: Ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have Multiple Personalities: Press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are Paranoid: We know what you are and what you want.
Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.

If you are Delusional: Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother ship.

If you are Schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are Depressive: It doesn’t matter which number you press.
No one will answer you.

If you are Dyslexic: Press 6 9, 6 9, 6 9, 6 9

If you have a Nervous Disorder: Please fidget with the hash key until the beep.
After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have a Short-Term Memory Loss: Please try your call again later.

If you have Low Self-Esteem: Hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.


http://www.bigblueball.com/misc/voice_mail.mp3

6 comments:

  1. Ha ha, that is great stuff. But do you have anything for bi-polars. I was once diagnosed bi-polar, and I did not know what # to punch. But then maybe that depends on my mood swing.

    Many blessings....

    ReplyDelete
  2. There is a longer version of this anonymous running rant on mental health.

    I'll check and see if bi-polar is listed in the longer version.

    Shalom and don't fall down near a cliffhanger.

    Reni-Kat

    ReplyDelete
  3. Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.
    I am schizophrenic, and so am I.

    -Bob

    But seriously...

    I notice I am visitor #666. What does that say about me? :)

    Ah... what fun. Much grass senora.

    Adios & shalom...

    ReplyDelete
  4. no cussing please. thank you.

    here is Unregistered Text Offender's statement a bit more watered down:

    "why would the dyslexic press 69 69 69? are they just really horny?"

    It's confusing to the dyslexic. I should know.

    "and d**n you Hurricane Willie Peppers i wa meant to visitor number 666 d**n i guess that'll teach me to come on here more often.

    imagine if you were visitor number 666 on june the 6th 2006 how freaky would that be? especially if it happened on every sit you went on."

    Fascinating...

    =^..^=

    ReplyDelete
  5. what do you mean watered down what else did i say well obviously you're not going to answer but what was it worse than the cussing i don't remember saying anything else.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Very sorry....while you are in London somewhere, I'm also on the island... in a Field of Hares. (guess where)

    just now getting to a computer and my time is up.

    I merely meant that I filtered out a bit with th ***, the rest is exactly the same.

    Kind Regards,
    Reni.

    ReplyDelete

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